Who's business is it?

I'm motivated to write this entry as a result of reading a thread in one of my Yahoo! groups. I'd like to share a key concept that keeps me sane and helps me navigate the world of Autism with my non-verbal son. If I stay in my business, tend to my happiness and listen to my internal guidance system (because it is my personal belief that I know my child better than anyone else) then I'm in good shape and my family and child benefit. It's when I start getting into other people's business, judge what they're doing, or allow other people's opinions and judgments to influence my decisions when I personally get into trouble, experience frustration and stress. Often, as a result, I make poor decisions for my child's protocol.

From my perspective, I prefer to make decisions based on the thoughts I personal believe. If I make decisions based on what I think I "should" do because someone else said I "should", no matter what their qualifications, and I did NOT believe it, I go crazy. It's when I research, contemplate, evaluate objectively and then trust that the decision I've made for a treatment option for my son comes from within me and no where else that I find relief for myself and my child. Then I notice, observe, and make adjustments based on the feedback I receive from my non-verbal child. I believe my child is communicating with me all the time with every sound, every behavior and every circumstance. I remind myself daily to tend to my business, stay out of other people's business and listen beyond the words. Is this easy? No! However, for me it is infinitely less stressful, more productive, and non-resistive than doing the opposite. When I'm getting into other people's business I ask myself, who's tending to mine?

I appreciate others personal expression of their thoughts and perspective and I invite you to express yours.

My #1 prescription out of hell: Compassion

As a mother of a child with Autism I am all too familiar with the feelings of self-loathing, self-judgment, disappointment, and inadequacy. All feelings that accompanied my journey into the depths of hell. I could certainly write entry after entry about my sad, sorry story. I’ve been there. It wasn’t pretty and it most definitely wasn’t fun. I more accurately remember it as extremely lonely and isolating.

I’m no longer there. I now realize that my feelings of loneliness and isolation were a direct result of being disconnected from myself. What I want to share with you is the discovery that I have within me all the power necessary find my truth inside. To do that, I had to reconnect with me again, fall in love, and shower myself with compassion.

One of the magical shifts that happened inside my head, inside my thoughts was the moment I welcomed the idea of living in compassion. Compassion. I love the sound of the word when I speak it out loud. I even love the way the letters look together on paper. Come passion, come back to me. The passion for life. I invited it back. Damn, it feels good.

The truth is my circumstances remain the same. I still am a mother of a child with Autism. What has changed dramatically is the way I think of myself and from there everything radiates. Living life with compassion for myself and for everyone and everything; from that perspective, life looks pretty darn attractive.

Autism rate now 1 in 100, what this means to me

The increasing rate of Autism has proved to ignite controversy for years now. I certainly don't know the answers of why the rates are increasing and I don't get caught up in the debate of whether they truly are or aren't. I will reference the article from August 20th in the Huffington Post by David Kirby Huffington Post Article which in my opinion contains some interesting and compelling studies. I'm hoping the attention generated by the possibility of truth in the sited studies and statistics will motivate more scientists and funding institutions to focus research on why the numbers appear to be on the rise.

I'm a true believer that a combination of factors play into the manifestation of Autism including genetics and environmental factors. This is purely from an experiential standpoint as my son is now in his 8th year of life living with the diagnosis of Autism and I have been by his side almost every day observing, watching, noticing, and listening.

In addition to the science side of the coin, I also believe children with Autism are here to teach us very, very important lessons. I've become acutely aware of the many ways he communicates. Not with words because he's non-verbal but very clearly indeed. As a result, we are connecting on a level I didn't see before, a level of pure love, compassion and appreciation. All because I started to listen beyond words.

As more families and children are affected, I intend to provide a way to share with others what Ian has taught me because it has opened up an entirely new world full of joy and gratitude for all that he is. Where there once was despair and feelings of being trapped I now feel joy and freedom.

Swimming with Ian

Saturday was a magical day. We were invited to a friend's house for the afternoon and we thought it would be fun to take Ian swimming. He's been in pools a handful of times and loves it. Our gorgeous boy stayed in the pool over an hour. Hubby relieved me as I started getting cold but not before I had some precious moments helping Ian gain a sense of floating. When I recall the memory of that afternoon I get the feeling that starts inside my tummy then radiates out in all directions in my body. I call it my "radiating flower" sensation meaning pure joy!!

What is

I breathe. I lie here in bed after a brief night’s sleep. Am I rested? Apparently enough because I’m awake. What is my story today? It feels so simple and at the same time expanding at the speed of light. I’m aware of the silence, the beautiful quietness in my mind. I can feel the pulse in my ears, the support of the bed beneath my body, the weight of my fingers touching the keys and moving as I type the words that appear on this page.

I met some magical people yesterday. I connected with energy so gorgeous and pure and full of complete love. We are one. I breathe in gratitude for this experience. I’m in deep love.

I am.

Lane's lesson for the day

Lane just came downstairs for the morning and had something to tell me:

"Mom, you know how you turn a bad dream into a good dream? Stop thinking about the bad dream and turn it into a good dream."

So simple and so true. He's so brilliant!!

Clarity of Purpose

My son Ian has Autism. He’s also globally delayed, has a seizure disorder, food allergies and sensitivities, chemical sensitivities, and the list goes on. He also has beautiful green eyes that twinkle when he smiles, a little smirk that brightens my day, a level of patience that exceeds my capacity of understanding, the most amazing pure expression of love I’ve ever experienced, and he is my greatest teacher.

He’s my little Zen master and I his faithful student. Though at times in my journey I would say my faith waned but that did not deter him. He always remains true to his destiny and speaks the absolute truth. He cannot lie. You see he does not speak words from any verbal language. He actually makes very few sounds and the ones he does make are mostly vowel-based however he has taught me that words are so unnecessary to communicate. They actually get in the way of truth and clarity. His communication is clear, truthful, and transparent and once I finally started to learn how to hear him, my whole world shifted.

He has so much work to do, so many lessons to teach and I’m finally hearing him. He’s so relieved. I hear him say, “Ok Mom, you finally are getting it. You’re really hearing me and now let’s get to work. You need to use that language of yours to share my lessons with others.”

It is my belief that he and I have a contract, an agreement that we made. He’s been playing his role perfectly and I now am starting to understand that I’ve been playing my role exactly as I needed to in order to get to the point where I am today, at this very moment, typing these words on my computer. I’m compelled to share Ian’s lessons because it’s what I’m supposed to do.